I had never kept a journal of any kind until I started on the 3 year Performing Arts course at Italia Conti. Part of our Contextual Studies was to keep a journal of 3 chosen subjects weekly that we would look back at and 'reflect' on at the end of the term to evaluate what we had (or hadn't as the case may be) learnt & what we had struggled with or improved on. I HATED having to do this. I found it a giant inconvenience and a great huge waste of my time. Especially since one of the subjects I chose to reflect on was ballet. And I DESPISED ballet. 'But you chose it?' I hear you say. Yes I know. And I chose it because it was something I struggled with and knew that there would ALWAYS be something I could write about. However that didn't take away from the fact that I hated writing about it. But that's my problem you see.. I am an intelligent young woman - I know whats good for me and what is going to be beneficial to me but 'naturally' I either want to do the complete opposite or I just simply don't have the drive and determination to do it. Its almost as though my intelligence tells me to do something because its a really good idea and it will hugely benefit me in the future (e.g this degree course) but unless the passion for it is there it gets completely sidelined. However when it comes to the crunch and somebody (usually my wonderful parents) says 'look if you don't want to do it - give up, don't waste your time' I just cant let it go because my intelligence kicks in and says 'DONT BE SUCH AN IDIOT AND LET THIS FANTASTIC OPPORTUNITY PASS YOU BY!". I do it with anything in my life, Violin, Swimming, College, Uni, all sorts. And it also works the opposite way - my past relationship for example.. I was totally and completely head over heels passionate about this guy (even though he was a total jerk) and my intelligence kicked in like 'Leave him - HE'S A TOTAL JERK!' but of course I stayed because the passion ruled! (Thankfully I saw the light and he's long gone now). But yeah its really annoying and I cant seem to be able to change it. Its just the way I am - unfortunately. I really hope there's someone else out there that has this problem. HAHA. But anyway. Back to the journal stuff.
As I said I have never voluntarily written or kept a journal and so I think this is going to be something I am going to find very difficult. Especially since it's not necessarily something I particularly 'want' to do. But it needs to be done and it needs to be done now. *Queue intelligence*. SO. I am going to start keeping my journal from today. And I will probably use pen and paper - I find it more expressive.
Oh and having read through this post.. and reflected on it.. I can now see that I am obviously a heart rules head kinda girl. DAMN IT.
No comments:
Post a Comment